What now?

Where do i put the hope when how is gone?  The dreams the desires?  The baby names and nursery designs? The family traditions uncreated?  How do I stop wanting to know the feeling of a child of a God growing inside is me, the kicks and hiccups?  Where do I put all this?  How do you stop wanting a biological baby?  How do you start wanting someone else's?

How do you realize it is not your fault your body doesn't work?  

How?
Why?